Oh No Jew Didn't!

I had been talking to this girl for a couple days and we finally decided to go out.  She seemed a little crazy/hyper but I thought it would be really fun.  She was way hotter then any other girl I had met on the site too.

We met at Dave and Busters for some good old fashioned fun.  That wasnt crazy enough for her so after that, she still wanted to party and suggested we go to a strip club.  I thought that was a little strange and a bit intense for a first date but she was cool and really into it so I figured why not.

We got to the club and long story short, she was way more into it then I was.  So much so I bought her a lap dance.  When it was over she excused herself to go to the bathroom.  Upon her return she apologized and said she had an accident and had to clean herself up.  I was pretty tipsy and not sure I understood and I must have given her a weird look, but her reaction, was just her looking back at me and saying “yea, its what you think”.  Um, this chic was a dude?!  I can still only assume that is what she (or he) meant.

For some reason this didnt totally freak me the hell out.  I mean, we were having a good time and this chic was kinda crazy and showing me a great time.  So I went with it.  But after leaving the club, her friend who she was supposed to take a train home with called and said she left already on the last train.  I wasnt going to leave her stranded so I offered my bed and I would sleep on the couch.

When we got home I went to the bathroom and when I came out, this person had half their body hanging outside my window trying to sneek in a bowl hit.  She had a bowl and pot in her purse and thought I wouldnt notice half her body outside my window smoking it?  Well she ended up dropping some into the childrens playground below.  I debating going to get it but it was just too rediculous of a night so I just went to my living room and passed out.  I woke up the next day, date was gone, and we never spoke again.

First 5 minutes of a convo.  JDaters are pretty horny but seriously, sometimes they can really cross the line.  Why are some of these people so sick?!  This is NOT KOSHER.

He Said: i disagree. i think it’s a great way to start off getting to know each other
He Said: how often you do it
He Said: when you do it
He Said: etc
She Said: ok well, im not looking for a manic masturbater, so good luck with that
He Said: ha
He Said: that’s funny
He Said: i was going to offer to let you watch, oh well

I went on a date.  Nothing bad, nothing good.  We didn’t go out again.

I went on another date with someone else.  Turned out to be date #1’s friend.  It didn’t work out.  But if it did, that would have been awkward!

What’s up with the people who make plans and constantly bail?  It’s happened so many times! It is so rude.

Went to a party with a dude but I don’t drink.  He assumed that meant I could drive him home and got piss drunk.  Really angry about the situation but the bigger problem was that we were in his car.  I decided I would just drive him and let him crash at my house.  It took me 30 minutes to get him out of his car.  I don’t know how I got him upstairs.  He took a couple swings at me in the process though.  Once inside, he fell on the floor and I left him there, dry heaving all night long.  He woke up after me the next morning, ate all my food in my fridge, said aight I gotta go to work, and left.  He actually called to say he didnt remember last night but wanted to take me out again.  I hung up.  Drunk asshole.

Some people just don’t understand the concept of the other person saying no.  I went on my first date with this boy and we decided we would go to the movies.

When I got there, he had already bought the tickets to the movies.  Normally a cute gesture, except he never asked me my opinion which also wouldn’t bother me except he just went ahead and got the one scary movie that was playing and I am very bad with scary movies.  I hate them.  So when I told him I appreciated the gesture and I didnt want to seem rude but if we could trade the tickets for something else, I would really appreciate it.  He was not happy and just made this sour face and said, fine.

He asked me what I wanted to see, all whiney.  He refused to see it and we compromised on this action movie.  I lost interest in the movie and the date.  He just lost interest in the movie and tried to make a move.  First he held my hand.  OK.  Then he tried to kiss my neck.  Not OK.  People behind us laughed.  It was a full theatre and I am not prude but I am not about to make out for an audience on a first date.

Then he tried to feel me up.  I pushed his hand away and said, watch the movie.  He grunted and got up and said he would be back.  15 minutes later he returned with a soda.  He tried to feel me up again, more aggressive this time.  I told him to stop.  He then tried to have a conversation with me, to convince me to let him get some.  I told him I was not having that conversation there and he should just watch the movie.  He grunted again.

After the movie, we talked for a little but his jokes were lame.  I had a bit of a drive from where I was, because he wouldnt go to my town, I had to go to his.  (That should have been a hint there.)  After I said I should go, he offered to walk me to the car.  When we got there, he kissed me goodnight and asked me out again.  I dont know why but I said yes.

We did the same thing again next week except this time it was much better.  After the movie we made out in his car a little.  Mistake on my part.  The kid nearly bit my nip off.  His hands were moving so fast and crazy it was like he had never touched a person, let alone a girl.  Now, at 15, maybe this would be alright but at the age of 22 you should know how to make out.  I stopped him in his tracks and bleeding and in pain, walked to my car and never answered his calls again.  I was almost tempted to talk to him after just to give him advice, for the sake of the next girl that ends up in that situation next.

“Somewhere right now a guy is on a JDate with Monica Lewinsky.  Nobody’s perfect.” - Jack on 30 Rock