Oh No Jew Didn't!

Unsuccessful stories of the JDater.

OK Cupid Shares the “Love”

Refinery29.com shares some similar beautiful moments.  Like this gem: 

"Hi dear..Checking through profiles for the right one for me, I came in contact with your profile and I must let you know that you have really got me on the neck with a hook. I will really love to get to know you better and take it more from there maybe a drink will be fine…Check through my profile and please tell me what you think, I will be so happy to know my dear. Note that distance is not a problem as I am ready to relocate for the right one, neither is age a problem as the main important thing right now is finding the right one" —Ready2MoveIn

Been There, Done That

"Just received a suggestion that was not their fault, they couldn’t have known, but unpleasant regardless.  Suggestion to a man I had already casually dated in the past. Too bad you cant "X" people on this thing.  Would save a lot of time and energy on their part and emotions on mine. " 

Rule: Don’t Assume

The date started out good—he was cuter in person than in his pictures, we were laughing and talking about our interests, and then the conversation took a turn for the worst.

 

All of the sudden out of nowhere, he started asking me about my past relationships, and he mapped out, in detail, his past 3 relationships and why they didn’t work out.  (Keep in mind he is a tad older and never failed to remind me on multiple occasions and mentioned that he has been doing this (dating)) for a long time and is really good at knowing if there is a connection right away, and also stressing how important physical attraction is above everything else.  When I said that sometimes the physical attraction comes later in a relationship, he straight up disagreed with me.  

He immediately said he is not looking for anyone who has never been in a serious relationship and he literally asked me if I was a virgin.  I laughed off his question and then he continued to hate on people who want to wait until marriage…all the time, still not realizing that’s how I felt.

 

We were talking about my best friend and how she can approach guys at bars, and he went on to later call her my “slutty friend”. 

 

What I’m really mad about is my behavior—instead of dealing with an uncomfortable situation and standing up for my friend and letting him know how horrible he was making the date, I just laughed everything off, kept looking at my watch and probably gave him the wrong idea of how I felt about him. 

The whole time he kept alluding to going on a second date and every time he mentioned a friend of his he’d say something like ‘you might meet him’ as though he was the one who got to make the decisions about whether or not there would be a second date and I passed the test.

 

So I guess the best parts about that date was that he was kind of cute and he paid for my drink.  Still can’t decide if I want the free dinner and the second chance to set him straight or just not waste my time.  

The Catch

THIS WAS MY VERY FIRST EMAIL ON THE DAY I SIGNED UP.  NOT EXACTLY ENCOURAGING.  

RE: Hey

I’m actually still not comfortable talking to my fellow human beings about ‘The Ice Cream Incident’. I mainly discuss my deepest secrets with small animals. Over the years I have developed a rapport with squirrels, possums, and pigeons. In many of their communities these gentle creatures now accept me as one of their own. Indeed, Lord Swishytail (the squirrel king of New England) and I exchange knowing looks and nods of respect whenever I pass by his palace in central park. 
In addition to the emotional support these creatures give me, they also inform me of things that most other people are never aware of. For example, it is through my special relationship with possums that I learned of the existence of the “Urban Yeti”, a rare and dangerous beast that solely eats toy poodles and poops them out as diamond encrusted gold bricks. According to reliable contacts, this is the true source of Donald Trump’s wealth and he will kill anyone who knows the truth. He must never know that we know. 



Hmm… in making up all of this bullshit I’ve gone an forgotten what else I should say…

Oh yeah: 

Greetings,
(name removed)

Featured Couple

Congrats Carli! 

To Whom It May Concern

A JDATE PROFILE: Misses, company GIN TONIC recruits: If you are between 20 and 35 years old, you have a pleasant physical appearance, a good sense of responsibilities, and you like to raise to the challenge, then this job is for you!!! Your role: charm the young man on the attached picture. Serious references required in the fields of seduction, feminism, the art of risk and subtlety. The job offered will be contracted for an undetermined duration. Wages vary according to profile + premiums in the event of instantaneous attraction… For all applications and suggestions, please leave your letter of motivation in the box labeled “emails to him”. All your applications will be scrupulously studied by our manager and will be given an answer within a reasonable time frame. But hurry because there is only one opening for this exceptional job….PS: The girls still in love with their old boyfriend, vain, who think they are entitled princesses, old controlling mooches, low-class, vulgar, doped up, those obsessed with diet-coke, pathological liars or those taking Prozac 50 mg to abstain from applying… Management, best regards…

FINALLY someone listened to my idea! 
mikehudack:

mascarah:

Spotted on Rivington Street.

About time we establish lanes.

FINALLY someone listened to my idea! 

mikehudack:

mascarah:

Spotted on Rivington Street.

About time we establish lanes.

" Eat out often, but the best steaks are served on the deck at my apt."